omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
