It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just high enough for therapy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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