My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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