Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
