how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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