Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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