Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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