I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
