took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
