This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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