so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
