That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
