he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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