The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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