GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
