Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
