you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
