you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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