Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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