KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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