I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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