my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
