Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize