i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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