I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
