i just made my gag reflex go away.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
