So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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