nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
