I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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