Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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