let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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