Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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