Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize