mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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