I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
