The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
