...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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