worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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