I wish I could punch you in the face.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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