i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
