Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
