so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize