You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
