I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
