I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
