Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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