I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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