That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
