Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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