Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
