Say something about gay babies.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
