i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize