Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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