I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
