I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
