You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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