can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She bit a glass in half.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
