Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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