Whod you bang
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
