Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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