I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this beer tastes like vomit already
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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