i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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