ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
