he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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