No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
