then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
