Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
