Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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