Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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