ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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