at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
