Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
