I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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