3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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