so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
