I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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