dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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