im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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