I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
