isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
