you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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