It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
