i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
